If I had to list the things I was wanting from my husband from time to time, the list would look a little something like this:
1. See me.
I need you to see me. When you walk in the door from work, before we say goodnight, and randomly throughout the day. I need you to look up from your phone and really see me for who I am. I’m a wife who just wants to hang out with you even when I’m irritable and downright bitchy. It can be as simple as watching one of our tv shows together, or a family dinner without your cell phone in the same room. Let’s be together, undistracted.
- Hear me.
I know that I’m annoying. Sometimes I even annoy myself, so I get it. But please, just let me vent. I let you fart, talk about your bowel movements, and all your other kinds of annoying so let me do mine. I promise if you just give me eye contact and your undivided attention for thirty minutes, I’ll eventually shut up. I’ll run out of crap to say and I’ll feel a lot better. Let me tell you how our children, YOUR children, abused me physically, verbally, and mentally throughout the entire day, and don’t chastise me. Just agree or empathize with me. Tell me that the kids are mean and that I’m amazing for putting up with those beasts. I’d appreciate that greatly.
- Compliment me.
While I’m not one who usually wants a “you look hot!” compliment, I’d love a compliment about how I’m raising our children. Most of the time I feel like I’m making judgment calls solo throughout the day, so who knows if I’m messing these kids up. If you could take the time to notice me doing something you like, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know. Do I play well with them? Do you admire my sternness? Are you impressed by my creativity? How about the way I plate up that peanut butter and jelly ever so fabulously? Anything. I’ll take any genuine compliment you’ve got for me. Lay it on me, big guy.
- Don’t try to solve the problem by suggesting that I go back to work.
When I’m complaining about things that took place during the day, I’m not saying I want to quit my job as a stay at home mom. I’m just releasing tension to you, the one I love and trust. The last thing I want to hear is, “then put the kids in daycare and go back to work if you’re so unhappy“. That sentence strips me of any worth and value that I have as a stay at home mom. When you say this it feels as if you don’t care if I’m here or at work… it appears to not matter much to you, so why should it matter to me? You’re the one person who should make me feel like this job is more important than any other. I would love it if you would just tell me that our kids are so fortunate to have a Mommy who is home with them. That’s all I want to hear. I need you to be my cheerleader. A compassionate cheerleader who means what they say. You cheer for me and I’ll cheer for you, forever and always, that’s how this marriage thing works.
- Back me up.
Part of what causes so much stress is constantly having to be the bad guy. I’m home all day with these maniacs laying down the law and passing out timeouts like Halloween candy and you get home just in time to give them a treat and hype them up before bedtime. I know that you just want to have fun for the short amount of time you see them, but when I have to punish them, don’t attack me or tell me that it was unnecessary. Back me. Trust me enough to know that this kid has been an absolute lunatic since 8:23 this morning and has basically been begging for discipline. Disciplining is never fun, but it’s even worse when you feel like you’re doing it alone.
- Love me.
Love me even though I suck at times. Love me even though I’m a basketcase who doesn’t always have a solution but can magically whip out a complaint real quick. Love me even when I’m pointing blame on you out of stupid frustration. Love me when I’m begging for your attention like an immature child. Love me when I’m strong and confident, but love me harder when I’m weak and insecure. I need attentive love, not just words you say daily, or texts you send when you’re traveling. I need a love that is present and backed by actions.
In no means am I saying that I am the perfect spouse and that my husband needs to cater to my every whim.
Our husbands are not perfect and they definitely can’t read our minds (thank God) so if any of this relates to you, feel free to print this out and staple it to your hubby’s ass if needed. That’s completely acceptable and seems pretty subtle.
-Until the next time this Redhead rambles.
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