6 Things I Needed From My Husband After Becoming A Stay At Home Mom.

I always knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mom if finances would allow. I knew that it would supply me with amazing lifelong memories, lots of belly laughs, and way too many iPhone pictures, but what I didn’t know is how needy of a wife it would make me on my lowest days. I’ve never been the needy type.
Our poor husbands get the brunt of our frustrations, don’t they? Sometimes Mike comes home and I’m just fuming and all kinds of pissy. I mean, it’s not pretty. The kids… they just suck the life out of us some days. Being a stay at home mom definitely has its ups and downs but on the down days, I find myself needing things from my husband.

If I had to list the things I was wanting from my husband from time to time, the list would look a little something like this:

 1. See me.

I need you to see me. When you walk in the door from work, before we say goodnight, and randomly throughout the day. I need you to look up from your phone and really see me for who I am. I’m a wife who just wants to hang out with you even when I’m irritable and downright bitchy. It can be as simple as watching one of our tv shows together, or a family dinner without your cell phone in the same room. Let’s be together, undistracted.

  1. Hear me.

I know that I’m annoying. Sometimes I even annoy myself, so I get it. But please, just let me vent. I let you fart, talk about your bowel movements, and all your other kinds of annoying so let me do mine. I promise if you just give me eye contact and your undivided attention for thirty minutes, I’ll eventually shut up. I’ll run out of crap to say and I’ll feel a lot better. Let me tell you how our children, YOUR children, abused me physically, verbally, and mentally throughout the entire day, and don’t chastise me. Just agree or empathize with me. Tell me that the kids are mean and that I’m amazing for putting up with those beasts. I’d appreciate that greatly.

  1. Compliment me.

While I’m not one who usually wants a “you look hot!” compliment, I’d love a compliment about how I’m raising our children. Most of the time I feel like I’m making judgment calls solo throughout the day, so who knows if I’m messing these kids up. If you could take the time to notice me doing something you like, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know. Do I play well with them? Do you admire my sternness? Are you impressed by my creativity? How about the way I plate up that peanut butter and jelly ever so fabulously? Anything. I’ll take any genuine compliment you’ve got for me. Lay it on me, big guy.

  1. Don’t try to solve the problem by suggesting that I go back to work.

When I’m complaining about things that took place during the day, I’m not saying I want to quit my job as a stay at home mom. I’m just releasing tension to you, the one I love and trust. The last thing I want to hear is, “then put the kids in daycare and go back to work if you’re so unhappy“. That sentence strips me of any worth and value that I have as a stay at home mom. When you say this it feels as if you don’t care if I’m here or at work… it appears to not matter much to you, so why should it matter to me? You’re the one person who should make me feel like this job is more important than any other. I would love it if you would just tell me that our kids are so fortunate to have a Mommy who is home with them. That’s all I want to hear. I need you to be my cheerleader. A compassionate cheerleader who means what they say. You cheer for me and I’ll cheer for you, forever and always, that’s how this marriage thing works.

  1. Back me up.

Part of what causes so much stress is constantly having to be the bad guy. I’m home all day with these maniacs laying down the law and passing out timeouts like Halloween candy and you get home just in time to give them a treat and hype them up before bedtime. I know that you just want to have fun for the short amount of time you see them, but when I have to punish them, don’t attack me or tell me that it was unnecessary. Back me. Trust me enough to know that this kid has been an absolute lunatic since 8:23 this morning and has basically been begging for discipline. Disciplining is never fun, but it’s even worse when you feel like you’re doing it alone.

  1. Love me.

Love me even though I suck at times. Love me even though I’m a basketcase who doesn’t always have a solution but can magically whip out a complaint real quick. Love me even when I’m pointing blame on you out of stupid frustration. Love me when I’m begging for your attention like an immature child. Love me when I’m strong and confident, but love me harder when I’m weak and insecure. I need attentive love, not just words you say daily, or texts you send when you’re traveling. I need a love that is present and backed by actions.

In no means am I saying that I am the perfect spouse and that my husband needs to cater to my every whim.

Absolutely not.
But let me be the one to tell you that the biggest blow to a woman’s mind, body, and self-esteem is becoming a mother. Having a strong supportive husband by her side can and will make all the difference. Sharing these feelings with our spouses in a positive way is so beneficial to our marriages as well as our performance as a mother.

Our husbands are not perfect and they definitely can’t read our minds (thank God) so if any of this relates to you, feel free to print this out and staple it to your hubby’s ass if needed. That’s completely acceptable and seems pretty subtle.

* Thank you to my amazing husband Mike for supporting me and my writing, even when it comes to personal topics such as this. I love you DIS MUCH!

-Until the next time this Redhead rambles.

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13 Things No One Tells You About Being a SAHM. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

About Jennifer 81 Articles

I’m Jenn… A blunt, redheaded mommy who likes to look at motherhood in a slightly different way. This blog consists of stories of how I survive my job as a SAHM, a job that I love. I tend to like sarcasm served hot with a fresh side of dry humor.

Because who really likes to take life so seriously?


  1. Nailed it. You are not alone in these things. Tiny humans are exhausting and thankless. Wonderful creatures but you give a lot before any benefits come back to you.

  2. Hi. I am so happy to have found you. I have to say I love your spirit I am a stay at home mom of a special needs 16 year old now this has been my full time job for 16 years every day with no pay and no day off . And being judged by many .you are fun and funny love Mike as well you guys compliment each other you can see it I am a single mom and have been for years I have a 24 year old son as well so hearing and being able to see you live is my highlight of my day. I have no friends or people who care that you just need to be heard at times and seen as more then a stay at home mom eating bonbons. Enjoying all your sights it’s refreshing funny how that can be but it is. Cathy

    • Thanks for all of the super sweet words, Cathy!!! I am so glad you are here and finding joy in what I am doing! It’s sweet people like you who keep me writing!!! I appreciate your support more than you even know! You are so strong to do what you do everyday 🙂

  3. I needed this today.
    Thank you for writing this and sharing it! ❤
    It reminded me of how lucky I am to have a supportive husband in my stay at home mom role. I completely identify with most of these feelings, but overall – he does a great job reminding me that what I do everyday has value.

  4. I’m not here to judge you ! I think you and Mike are doing an amazing job with what you have together. Shhhh I’m a hairdresser older lady with my own crap .ups and downs .i seen so many people just toss in the towel . And call it quits . But U2 seem to have something special . Blessings, and good wishes your way. (hugs) Nanette

  5. Great post!! I’ve felt all of this more than a few times. I wish there was someone there to say these things to as I raised mine, but being a single mom is a challenging animal to say the least. Thank you for sharing this. I definitely don’t feel alone knowing other mamas need these things as well.

  6. This made me tear up a bit. Well said. Especially the part about shutting down the “just go back to work then”. It feels so utterly dismissive.

  7. First, I Love the name of Your Blog 😉 Us redheads have great minds that think alike <3 Great Post <3 Very true.. I have been a SAHM for 16 years. It is the hardest, most exhausting, loneliest and most rewarding job ever. Great advice and reminder for any hubby to read 😀 I really like your writing style 😀

  8. thanks I just sent this to my husband because for some reason if my exact thoughts are written down by someone other then myself and presenting them to my husband it makes them seam much more valid and he may actually listen.

  9. Im a Redheaded stay at home mom too. Circumstances beyond my control, but love it. And you nailed it! I’m so glad I found you! Not sure how I did but that doesn’t matter cause I did. Keep it coming girl!

  10. As a husband, #5 is very much a tough one. I shamefully admit to being blind of these types of needs, even when my significant other has — not so subtly — expressed these very needs, especially #5. Often I have come home, amped up the kids, only to have the spouse get mad at me. Thank you for shining a spotlight on these issues, it is much needed for the hubbys of the world, because sometimes we are too close to the canvas and are unable to see the whole picture.

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