If you were to ask what causes the majority of the daily battles between me and my two toddlers, my answer would be, “their playroom”.
Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? That’s because it is stupid.
If I want to send my two toddlers into an instant rage all I have to say to them is, “Guys, please go play in the playroom.”
Seven little harmless words can make my sweet babes morph into the nastiest child beasts you’ve ever laid your eyes on. I’ve seen them erupt to levels that made it physically impossible for me to walk away. Like a horrible trainwreck I couldn’t stop watching.
I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve honed in on what makes these mini-humans internally explode when their playroom is mentioned.
See if any of these very scientific reasons apply to your child…
1. Because there are toys in there.
Why would my children want to play with the one hundred and eighty-two toys that they own when they could galavant around my house vandalizing the most expensive pieces furniture I own with an open tube of waterproof mascara? I’ve realized that toys suck. The kids don’t care that their playroom is basically sponsored by Hasbro and Fisher Price, they’d rather play with something that doesn’t light up, doesn’t sing to them, and doesn’t have anything interesting about it what so ever.
Why play with a three-foot dollhouse furnished with a fireplace that makes crackling sounds at the push of a button when they could try to ingest my non-interactive decorative rocks? Life-threatening objects are what’s trending among young kids now and Elmo freaking blows.
If you look closely you can see the dust collecting and a single tear escaping Batman’s left eye.
2. Because it’s organized in there.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like the most offensive act one could do to toddlers is show them something organized.
You should see my kids faces as they enter their playroom when it’s spotless. When all of the toys are nestled sweetly in their labeled canvas bins (I should admit that this absolutely does not happen daily), my kids look at me like I just set fire to their favorite blanket. In a matter of about four measly seconds, my kids are dumping every bin they can get their chubby little hands on. All while making faces as if they were extras in a Spartacus episode. They are determined to gut that room down to its studs and they might damn well succeed.
The playroom in its rarest state.
3. Because it’s too messy in there.
Once the playroom has been destroyed and all of the bins have been stripped of their innards, the toddlers no longer want any part of it. Our playroom gets so bad that our dog won’t even attempt to walk in it. Because it can’t. The floor is littered with Fisher Price plastic things which cause the kids to trip and fall and then hate life.
In a way, I don’t blame them because I myself can’t stand any area of my house being this trashed…. but they caused it. It’s a never ending cycle that usually ends up with me drinking some wine.
Cabernet is the light at the end of the tunnel.
The playroom in its most common state. Sadly, none of this was staged.
4. Because I’m not doing chores in there.
How is a toddler supposed to cannonball into my perfectly folded laundry stacks if they are not in the same room as the folded laundry? How is a toddler suppose to grab all of the knives out of the dirty dishwasher if they are not in the same room as said dishwasher? How is a toddler suppose to jump on all of the things that they are not suppose to jump on if they are not in the same room as these “no-no” objects? How is a toddler suppose to whine and hang on any body part they can grasp when all of those mother-body parts are trying to be productive outside of the playroom?
See how all of these unfortunate situations put our children in a predicament? Poor babies, don’t even know what to do with themselves when in that torturous playroom. It’s basically like they can’t even see the TOYS THAT SURROUND THEM. They can’t see them.
5. Because I want them to go in there.
This is the main reason why our children put up such a fight to play in their designated play areas… because we so desperately want them to entertain themselves with their toys for just fifteen minutes. I’ll take just fifteen minutes. What’s crazy is that we want fifteen minutes not so we can sit on our spandexed butts and paint our nails, No! We want those fifteen precious minutes just to get something done. Like, putting the laundry away or cleaning a bathroom without fear of someone licking the chemicals.
And good heavens!… pooping alone would be a spectacular treat! Could you imagine if we could do the deed alone every day and not just something special we experience on Mother’s Day?! It’s not going to happen so let’s not psych ourselves out, now.
Maybe my kiddos are the only ones who protest their awesome playroom like it’s their job, but I seriously doubt that is the case.
Please consider sharing this with another suffering mother… be her hero.
-Until the next time this Redhead rambles (she’ll just continue begging her children to “go play”.)
For more humorous and honest parenting posts like this, please “Like” my Life as a Rambling Redhead Facebook Page!
Or subscribe to get all new posts sent directly to your inbox! Your life will be changed for the better.