My entire family has been sick for a little over a month now, including myself.
I’m going to let that sink in…. over 31 days….
of wretched ILLNESS.
Coughing, snot, boogers, crying, pain, baby tears, mysterious constipation (?)…. I hate illness.
When I said my entire family was sick, I meant everybody. Even my husband.
My husband went to urgent care last week because he had a sty on his eye.
Now in his defense, it is a good thing that he went because he actually had an ear infection and didn’t even know it. But let’s not forget the reason he went to the doctor in the first place… a single sty.
This post isn’t about how husbands tend to be wimpy when they are diseased, it’s just really easy to ramble on about this topic. This is about a few thoughts that I am sure every mother has had at least once while tending to a sick family while simultaneously being sick herself.
See if any of these thoughts have ever crossed your mind.
- I wish I could projectile vomit on command.
Every time I am sick, I can’t help but think that it would be really nice to just vomit in front of, or even better, on my husband. This way I would actually appear sick. Why is it that the kids always get the flu or the 24-hour stomach bug, but moms get stuck with the upper respiratory infections that last over three weeks and appear to have zero symptoms? Sure, you feel like hell, we all know this, but it’s really hard for your family members to grasp how sick you truly are when the only symptom that is noticeable is a runny nose and not being able to sleep at night due to aspirating on your own mucus.
No. I want to vomit. Right in front of someone’s face. Then they will understand that Mommy is sick too, so let’s stop abusing her for fifteen minutes, shall we?
- I will find the monster who infected my children and go sneeze on their face.
WHO DID IT?! Who brought their sick offspring around my sweet angel and infected this family?! Do they have no decency? They come into my house and drink my favorite coffee all while silently planting viruses throughout our home.
I’ll find you, and nicely ask that next time you want to bring your child who has “allergies” into my home, please do the right thing and give me the stomach bug and give the runny nose to my children. This would help me vomit on command as stated above. Many thanks.
…or better yet, just stay home. Let’s text instead.
- I bet my husband brought this plague into our family home.
“Mike, did you shower immediately after you got home last week?…”
“MIKE. You were on an AIRPLANE! In flu season! How could you be so careless?!”
“Why would showering four hours after I got home be any different than immediately when I got home?…”
“I’ll kill you for doing this to us. Do you even love me?…..”
My dear husband started this month of snot and agony and he gets a sty. Seems fair.
- I think my husband is faking the severity of his pain in order to escape this germ-infested circus…. and I don’t blame him. I’m just jealous I didn’t think of it first.
“I’ve got to lay down, babe. I feel so awful, I can’t even stay awake…. Thinking about going to Urgent care…”
*husband says as he saunters into the bedroom.
Dang it, he beat me to it. He put on a show to trump my own personal pain and escaped this chaos for one whole hour. I want to be mad, but I should be taking notes. How can I appear sicker to these fools?
The vomiting on command would come in handy right about now, I’m tellin’ ya.
Let’s try that conversation again:
“I’ve got to lay down, babe. I feel so…….”
*I interrupt my husband mid-sentence with a projectile vomit, “BLLLLLLLLLLLUAAAAHK.” (wipe mouth with back of my hand)
“Oh, babe, you seem sick…. Nevermind. You go lay down….”
… I get all giddy just thinking about that fake scenario. The power I would hold if I could barf whenever I damn well please. The powerrrrr.
5. I have so much respect for moms who have children that need full-time care.
I know this is not exactly the same scenario, but if I get so beat down when caring for my sick children for a month, I can’t imagine what moms mentally and physically go through with kids who are constantly ill. In all seriousness, I am grateful for my circumstance and very glad that this illness is only temporary!
I’m going to go ahead and just assume that all of you have thought these things at least ONCE while you were sick and taking care of an entire family.
If you haven’t…. well, I haven’t either.
– Until the next time this redhead rambles.
When there is illness, there are loud doctor appointments…
For more humorous and honest parenting posts like this, please “Like” my Life as a Rambling Redhead Facebook Page!