Lucky for you, Girl Scout cookie season is here!
Time to make sure your doorbell is functioning properly, or better yet, just keep your front door open at all times. You definitely don’t want to miss out on what little Madison is selling this year.
I’m sure you’re already aware that Girl Scout cookies can be very addicting, but what you probably didn’t know is that according to girlscouts.org, each cookie symbolizes an essential life skill (this sentence is not sarcasm, this is actual fact). Researchers have been working closely with these cookies, as well as millions of Girl Scout volunteers and can now reveal compelling data. Studies now show that these cookies can have an amazing effect on parents when dealing with their own child’s crappy behaviors.
Please reference the guide below in order to get as much satisfaction possible from the five most popular Girl Scout cookies and their magical “essential life skills“.
1.Eat Thin Mints when your teenage daughter’s excessive spending habits are quickly driving you towards bankruptcy.
Teenage girls can be the absolute worst, but Thin Mints are argued to be the best! (Voted #1 Girl Scout cookie) Nothing will make you forget about your agonizing financial woes more than a box or two of Thin Mint cookies. According to Girl Scout officials, the ever so popular Thin Mint cookie represents the essential life skill of money management, which is exactly what you need assistance with. Let’s take away Anna’s “emergency” credit card and ground her irresponsible butt for a week while we dive face first into a rectangular box of minty bliss. This decadent treat is sweet and rich, which is just what you need to be feeling in this moment. Hooray for money management! Hooray for feeling rich! Boo Anna.
2.Eat Samoa cookies when your child is being unfair. Or in other words, being a newborn.
If you have a baby who just can’t seem to sleep longer than two hours at a time, then Samoa cookies are your go-to. According to Girl Scout officials, this tasty cookie signifies the essential life skill that is being fair and doing the right thing. By being woken up at all hours of the night, the child is clearly not being fair to you, which in result leads to an irritable Mommy binging on Samoas in hopes to correct the child’s wrong doing. Nobody likes sleep deprivation, but everyone loves Samoa cookies in bulk. This cookie also tastes fantastic when paired with a flailing toddler who somehow always finds his way into your bed.
3.Eat Shortbread cookies when you’re mentally exhausted from attempting to pound the words please and thank you into your child’s brain.
From toddlers working on their manners to unappreciative middle schoolers who never say thank you for anything, consuming Shortbread cookies tonight is a must for you. Girl Scout officials claim that Shortbread cookies help social skills, stating that “saying thank you and making eye contact builds confidence“. When you just didn’t receive enough appreciation throughout your day, which happens often, we suggest throwing yourself in front of the TV as well as in front of a box of Shortbread Girl Scout cookies. When your toddler screams no, you should say yes – to Shortbread cookies. Eat the entire box if you wish, it’s completely fine and actually recommended.
4.Eat large amounts of Peanut Butter Patties when your child seems to think that bad decisions lead to good things.
Whether your toddler keeps shoving inedible objects in his mouth or your teenage son keeps taking joy rides in your car without permission, studies show that Peanut Butter Patties will instantly put you at ease. There is nothing more frustrating than a child who continues to make piss-poor decisions, lucky for you, the Girl Scout cookie officials claim that this cookie helps with decision-making as well as problem-solving. Simply put that conflicted child to bed and snuggle up with a box of Peanutty pleasures this evening. Statistics show that 98% of parents found skipping dinner altogether and going straight for the box of Girl Scout baked goods was the most satisfying way to eat these cookies.
5.Eat several D0-si-do cookies when your sweet spawn is having difficulties grasping organizational skills.
According to Girl Scout officials, Do-si-dos encourage goal-setting skills as well as organizational skills. Whether your child’s backpack looks like a disgusting science experiment gone wrong, or their room resembles a toxic landfill, Do-si-dos are just what you need. Since your child is clearly not understanding what it means to be organized, send them to their room to sit in the filth, while you excuse yourself to the clean pantry to enjoy a box of do-si-dos. You and I both know that your child is not cleaning up that pit any time soon. Eat up and take your time.
As you can see, these cookies are so much more than an addicting snack. Not only are they delicious, but they will actually help you maintain your sanity when dealing with your child’s unsavory behavior.
So pop a chair out in your front lawn and camp out for a bit, because Madison and her troop of green-vested besties are coming in a minivan.
And they’ve got cookies for days.
*Please have your cash ready.
There is always wine if you’re needing something stronger. Please reference this life-changing wine pairings guide.
(All essentials skills and cookie photos were sourced from www.girlscouts.org.)
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