SAHM vs. Working Mom: Everyone Please….. Shut. Up.

The Mom-Battle is no joke. Out of control.

And we are the ones to blame. Women. Women as a collective whole.

We suck.

We are mean, defensive balls of bitchy energy. Insult us personally or how we choose to raise our children and we will come at you. Straight for the jugular. #pitbullstatus

I never read blogs before I started my own. Just in the past month I have started to scroll through some of the top mom-blog sites for a few minutes late at night…. I feel like I have to. Like I should support other “Mommy bloggers” out there. Some of the articles I have come across are horrible. Catty. Condescending. Defensive. A working mom explaining why she has it harder that a SAHM and vice versa. And the comment section…. it’s the worst! Why as moms are we always on the defense? It is our job to protect our young cubs, but are we defending them? Or defending ourselves to other moms?!

 Yesterday I had lunch with a close girlfriend from college. She’s a teacher, so naturally I struck up convo about school starting in a few short weeks. When I asked her if she was excited about school starting, I was somewhat surprised at what her answer was. “Yes! I’m actually really excited! Is that weird?!…” Most moms complain about their jobs, and here she was, excited summer was almost over.

I also remember having a conversation with this same friend a couple months prior to our lunch date, after she had her first baby. I asked if she was going to continue working or stay home with her new sweet bundle of joy. “I think I want to work. I really enjoy my job….. Am I a bad mom?…..”  She didn’t laugh after her question, she wasn’t trying to be funny, she was genuinely asking me a question.

After our lunch date, I couldn’t help but reflect on both conversations. My friend loves being a teacher and she’s good at it. She will tell you she’s not “a creative teacher” because she’s modest, but she’s great. I can only pray and hope my kids get a teacher like her someday. That my kids get the teacher who wakes up excited to go to work and not the teacher who is mentally checked out and waiting on retirement or to enter a “home”. We’ve all had at least two of those teachers. I suck at math due to the fact that my seventh grade math teacher was old and horrid. It’s all her fault that I had to take remedial math in college!

I started thinking about other working moms that are a huge part of my life. I am in love with my OBGYN. I almost birthed my second child in a car all because I had to make it to her (that traumatic natural birth story HERE). I only wanted her to deliver my baby. The five hospitals we passed to get to her weren’t good enough. I’m very glad she chooses to work.

My children’s pediatrician is amazing. Again, we drive almost 40 minutes to her office. I pass many pediatricians along the way, but I like HER. She’s a working mom by choice.

My mother in law has been a hair dresser for 40 years. She still at the age of 65 works full time, because she loves it so much. She started her career out of need in a result of a divorce, she was a working mom.

Theresa is a little Asian woman who works at Target. I always look for her in the check out lanes as I’m wheeling around my cart full of foods (and diapers). We talk about our kids and she always admires my two babies that stare at her very intently. Sometimes, when my husband is out of town, she is the only person I have a conversation face to face with all day. Those eight minutes of exchanging quick stories about our kids bring me much needed fulfillment. I get to talk to someone over the age of two. Sheer bliss. She’s a working mom (I love Theresa even though she has said, with her extremely heavy accent, “she look like boy!” when referring to my daughter).

I could go on, but my point is that I appreciate these women. I don’t frown upon them because of what they chose to do with their lives just like I hope they wouldn’t judge me for my decision to quit my job and stay home with my baby beasts.

Now to sit here and say “The mom war needs to end, it must end! All moms love one another…” Is just dumb. The mom battle ain’t ending anytime soon ladies, call me a realist.

Honestly, I think a little mommy pride is great. We should ALL be proud of how we are doing things. All women should be confident in the choices they are making when it comes to raising their children. So why can’t we all just respect each other, at least?

Moms are emotional nut cases.

We tend to let our worst feelings get in the way, jealousy, guilt, failed expectations of ourselves….. and we all know we’re tired. We are all so damn tired. If we all had 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night, I bet we could all be best friends.

Why can’t we all just admit that there are pros and cons to working both outside the home and inside the home?

Working moms- You know there are perks to working outside the home, don’t lie.

SAHM- You know we have perks to our job. (One being that I don’t have to wear heels and I can stay in my spandex all day, errrry day. Wearing a bra? Optional).

Why can’t we all just admit that we BOTH have hard jobs? That we both have kids that make faces like this…..

phonto (2)

Faces that make us all want to curl up in the fetal position and cry for 30 minutes on the floor of a dark closet. Faces that leave us fantasizing about performing a vasectomy on our husbands ourselves….. immediately. I birthed the beast, we are not performing surgery on me….. your turn dude. Drop trou.

Correct me if I am wrong here ladies, but on a really, really hard day do we not all look at the Passages Malibu Addiction Center commercials and think the same thing? Don’t we all see them and think, “that place looks splendid. I bet if I chugged this entire bottle of wine fast enough, it would convince my husband that I have an addiction and need to go to rehab in Malibu. A room overlooking the ocean sounds breathtaking. And I would be forced to meditate and talk to a counselor about MYSELF? I think I would enjoy some rehab.” 

Or prison. Doesn’t prison seem like a nice vacation? I have to sit in a room by myself, no one is allowed to touch me, I wear a baggy jumpsuit everyday (it’s required), I sleep for 8 hours, I get to read countless books, instead of breaking up fights all day I get to start them out in what they call “the yard”, I can workout for hours at a time therefore, finally eliminating my mommy pooch and become what the men call swole, AND I eat food that I didn’t have to cook…… at this very moment I’m sitting here trying to decide what freaking crime I’m about to commit.

I’ll take 30 days. Thanks judge. You’re seriously the best.

And if I decide that I need a vacation in prison longer than 30 days, I’ll be sure to get caught with a homemade shank. That will at least buy me another month in my cell of paradise.

….no? ……..just me?

I guess my main point to this whole discussion is that this stay at home mom loves and respects all you working moms, so love me back dammit. You work and then you come home to more work called kids. I respect you, so please respect me and my job. Just think, I’m stuck in a house all day with the monsters and usually they don’t even allow me to eat (they let me poop though, that’s the highlight of their day…. let’s terrorize mom while she’s attempting to expel some bodily waste). I know that my status updates about “how much I love my job” and “I’m so glad that I get to stay home with my kids all day” may rub you the wrong way, piss you off, or look like I’m throwing my SAHM status in your face, but that is never my intention. Same with my blog. I will be writing about being a SAHM often, because again, it’s what I have to discuss. Working moms get to talk about their promotions, happy hours and business travels, while I talk about……. my kids. It’s all I have. I mean, I don’t even have a dog. They are literally all I have to talk about. What am I going to do? Talk about my husband? Boring. I just hope all moms and even women who are not moms yet can enjoy parts of each piece I write. That would make me so happy!

Working Mamas. Stay at home Mamas. ALL MAMAS.

You rock and so do I.

We all rock. So let’s just all calm the eff down.

And we should all plan a mommy trip to Passages Malibu…..just sayin.

it looks nice.

– Until the next time this redhead rambles.


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About Jennifer 68 Articles
I'm Jenn... A blunt, redheaded mommy who likes to look at motherhood in a slightly different way. This blog consists of stories of how I survive my job as a SAHM, a job that I love. I tend to like sarcasm served hot with a fresh side of dry humor. Because who really likes to take life so seriously?

12 Comments on SAHM vs. Working Mom: Everyone Please….. Shut. Up.

  1. Love this!!!
    I’m expecting my first baby in a few weeks, and I’ve been feeling MAJOR guilt over the fact that I desperately want to work. I opened my own business in 2012, closed it to relocate before finding out I was pregnant, and ultimately had to put the whole thing on hold to save up some money in order to eventually do both jobs – raise a kid & run a business. But I can’t imagine NOT doing what I love… It’s a part of who I am. It’s so nice to hear someone say it’s okay. I look forward to being a business-owner-mom. There are ways my children can benefit from that too, right?!

    • Oh course!!!! They learn hard work and plenty of other things from watching you. As long as you find a caregiver you love and trust then try not to feel guilty. It’s just another way to benifit for the child !!!

  2. My kids are both grown up (haha) and no longer live at home, (thank God). I did both and found I was a much better mom when I was working outside of the house. I give STHM’s tons of credit, it’s not an easy job to do. I found I had tended to have more patience with them if I wasn’t with them all day. So hats off to you STHM, you have my utmost respect.

    And I do and have always dearly loved my children, but I’m finding it nice to love them as grown ups.

    • I TOTALLY get why some moms just want to work outside the home…. some days are so long! I love being home with my babies, but man do they test my patience!! So glad you could relate even though our babies are not the same age, once a mother, always a mother!!

  3. Your blog is hilarious and wonderful and very distracting to this mostly SAHM. 2.75 years and 13 months– I am in the trenches with you. And now I need to take the wee beasties outside so that we can test the Unified Nap Theory again this afternoon. I have hopes it is not a myth.

  4. Just scrolling through your blog and loving every single word so far. You have a gift for storytelling; it’s like I’m going through this stuff with you firsthand! I was a SAHM (for 2.5 years) and I LOVED it! I’ve been a working mom for the last 7.5 years and most days I’m extremely grateful to be. You’re right; each comes with its own set of challenges. Honestly I’m still on the fence and not sure which I really want … I should probably decide soon given that my kiddo’s 10 …

    • Thank you so much for the kind words!!Both ways of doing motherhood seems hard, there are def pros and cons to both!! That’s great that you got to experience both though. This probably makes you sympathetic to both “sides”. Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts and giving me feedback. Much appreciated!!

  5. Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating because I teach. We get the best of both worlds- my daughter and I get the whole summer together and then we both wander back to our respective schools. And At the end of the school day, the way she comes running to me makes my heart so full!

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